Week 5; Post 3

3). Pick one concept or idea from this week's assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to your personally by using examples from your life and/or experience

After reading chapter 4, I really was drawn to the idea of S-TLC. Everyone should really take this concept into consideration when talking to each other. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen conflicts arise because people try to talk to each other but they don’t take the time to stop. Stopping is extremely important because it allows the conversation to not just be about one person. Communication has to have more than one person involved for it to be effective, so stopping to allow another person to be involved is important. Listening is another extremely important function of this. If you aren’t listening to the other person, there is no conversation happening, it is just talking back and forth. To really be able to respond to someone, you have to listen to what they say. I currently coach a high school cheer team. All of my girls are extremely respectful, but lets face it, they are teenage girls and typically they talk over everyone around them. While other coaches yell at their athletes to listen or to pay attention, I constantly yell “stop.” This really gets their attention because I am not asking them to do anything...at all…just stop doing everything. Typically this works, because by stopping what they are doing, they can prepare themselves to listen, to what I have to say, talk to me about it, and communicate. If I never stopped them, they would never really take a second to listen.

Week 5; Post 2

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2). After reading Chapter 4 in its entirety, answer the following question:  What are you thinking about when others talk?  Do you concentrate on what they are saying or do you think about your own ideas instead?  After listening to someone, can you write down most of what that person told you?  If not, why?

When others talk, I really try to be respectful enough to listen but there are times when I really just think about my own things. For example, typically in large groups, I tend to get lost in conversations. Also, when people are giving speeches, I really have a hard time paying attention. If I am having a one on one conversation with someone and am thinking about my own ideas, they are typically scenarios that have happened to me that are similar to what that person is describing. That way I have a story to connect theirs to, I have something to say back and I am at least somewhat thinking about what they are saying. If it is a one on one conversation, I may not be able to write down word for word what they said but I can definitely paraphrase it! If I can’t write it down, it was probably because I was distracted by something around me and if that was the case I would ask them to repeat themselves!

Week 5; Post 1

1.     After reading Chapter 4 in its entirety, answer the following question:  How hard is it for you to stop a conflict?  If you find it easy to not respond automatically, what advice can you give others who have trouble with this step?  Whether you find this step difficult or not, what ways do you prefer if you try to take a "time out"?

When it comes to stopping conflict it is hard to say...Honestly, all conflicts are different and the differences decide how easy or hard it is to stop a conflict. If speaking in general, I think that it is not too difficult for me to stop conflict. I typically respond automatically and am more than happy to do so. Any advice I give to someone would be again, handled in a case by case basis depending on the situation. Typically though, my advice would be to not make rash decisions. It is always important to think about things before you make a decision or an action. Most of all, don’t let your emotions get the best of you. A lot of people let their emotions fuel a conflict and they do not always stop and think before they communicate. Sometimes people need to take a time out and step away from the situation for an amount of time. For me, I recap. I will recap the entire conflict and analyze each part of it with whoever I am having the conflict with. This allows us both to talk about it rather than argue.

Week 4; Post 3

3). Pick one concept or idea from this week's assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to your personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

The idea of being a mediator really stood out to me in this chapter. My entire life I have been a mediator and have used other people to help mediate when I have a problem (typically if I am fighting with my mom). But I like that in this chapter there was a system to how to help mediate; the system had rules that if followed, make mediation easier. I liked this because it clarified that some of what I am doing is already on track when I help people but it also helped me expand my options on how to approach situations. One thing that I like is setting the tone for the mediation. There was also the idea of setting rules. I like this because it will allow people to talk without being talked over. Overall, I think that mediation is something that everyone could use at one time or another and I think that as a communications major, I have the right tools and knowledge to help mediate other peoples situations.

           

Week 4; Post 2

2). After reading Chapter 11 in its entirety, answer the following question:  How might you use techniques such as fractionation, framing, reframing, and common ground for solving problems that don't involve interpersonal conflicts?

So my mom is a real estate agent and lately I have been spending more time with her as she shows houses and just does business in general. When she shows a house to someone, no matter the condition, she lets them know what they are getting for the money. She will fractionate it down to how much money it is per square feet, how decent the neighborhood is, what the ratings for the schools are, etc. This breaks down the ridiculous price of a house into smaller, more easily tracked numbers. Then if the house is a “fixer upper” it is easy for her to reframe the situation. For example, one house I helped her show a client was just a mess; it smelled, was dark, had clowns on the light switches and was just overall creepy but she reframed the description and immediately told them “this home is a lower price because of it’s condition and has great bones. You could remove the carpet and then paint it and that would eliminate the smell, the dirtiness and the clowns and you would feel like it was a brand new home.” By reframing the situation, the couple realized that this home might actually be the right choice for them. When it comes to finding common ground, this is something that real estate agents go through in many different parts of their job. The buyers have to come to common grounds with their real estate agent on what houses are the right ones for their price and the buyers also have to come to a common ground with sellers to agree on a price!

Week 4; Post 1

1). After reading Chapter 11 in its entirety, answer the following question:  Why should communication majors make good mediators?  What might lawyers and psychotherapists find it difficult to effectively play the role of mediator?

Communication majors would be good mediators because of their ability to communicate in multiple ways. Communication majors learn to identify and understand nonverbal communication, verbal communication, compromising, interpersonal communication, etc. These skills will give communication majors the ability to adapt to many different people and their types of communication. It also will allow a communication major to listen to both sides of an argument or debate. After listening to both sides a comm major would be able to use the skills that they learned such as problem solving and decision making to help mediate the problem. Lawyers and psychotherapists do not have the same training. They do not learn to listen to the way people talk, only what they say. Also, both lawyers and psychotherapists tend to focus on only one side of the problem. Lawyers would take one side and try to make it a stronger, more persuasive argument so that side could win. Psychotherapists will focus on solving the problem for one person without solving the problem between the two people. So in all, a communication major would make a better mediator.

Week 3; Post 3

3). Pick one concept or idea from this week's assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to your personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

One concept from the reading this week that really stuck with me was non-assertive communication. When I was in high school, I was chosen to be captain of my team. My old coach recently told me that it was because I don’t involve myself in other people’s conflicts but I do help resolve them. I never really realized that there was a concept or term for this but it was something that I connected with. I typically enjoy helping people solve problems and conflicts. I have been like this for as long as I could remember. My parents used to claim that I should be a psychologist so that I could help people. It isn’t exactly the career path or major that I have chosen but I really do think that by choosing communication as my major, I have contributed to increasing my ability to help people and also increased my desire to!

Week 3; Post 2

2). After reading Chapter 3 in its entirety, answer the following question:  Sometimes abusive parents say they merely teach strict discipline.  What do you think is the difference between pushing and disciplining a child?  When do people overstep their paternal authority to punish their children? 

I think that the line between discipline and abuse is not as fine as many people act. Strict discipline can be used when a child is misbehaving and will eventually result in an outcome that will be better for the child. Abuse is something that has no positive outcome. Abusing a child whether it is done with words or physical actions as strict discipline will not teach a child anything but fear and just because they are scare does not mean that they respect the rules. I think that learning that our actions have consequences are a great tool for discipline but it should not ignite fear. A punishment for wrongdoing is also something that a child should learn from but if they are just punished in general, they are not learning from it, especially if it is a normal occurrence. In all, I think that parents who are abusive punish without thinking about how this will help their child learn to not do it again, instead they are just trying to scare them into not doing it again. While a parent who is disciplining a child for wrongdoing will have a reason, and explanation and the child will know why they should not do that next time.

Week 3; Post 1

1). After reading Chapter 3 in its entirety, answer the following question:  In dealing with conflicts, do you find that you tend toward one orientation over another?  Are you satisfied with the outcome of conflicts when you act from this orientation?  Do you favor the orientation all the time or are there exceptions?

When I deal with conflict I definitely tend to use a relationship orientation. I am not necessarily a big people person. I have a few very close friends and my family. Any conflict I have are with those people. I also do not like fighting. I think that going to bed angry with someone tends to cause tension in the rest of your life so I really like solving conflict. A relationship approach allows me to get my point across but also be respectful and considerate of others. I am typically satisfied with the outcomes of my conflicts when I use this orientation. There will always be exceptions where it doesn’t work as well as I’d like but for the majority of the time, it works. I do tend to favor this orientation unless I am at work where I cannot be as demanding when I try to make my point.

Week 2; Post 3

3). Pick one concept from the reading this week and discuss it in detail.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to your personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

 

The idea of natural born conflict is a concept that I really enjoyed in this weeks reading. I think that the idea of nature vs nurture has always interested me and I have typically always sided with things being nurture related. But when it came to the idea of conflict as a natural born trait, I can definitely see the nature side of this. I think that people are born with a desire to create conflict. It is a human’s way of doing things the way that they want to or to express their own opinion. My example in the first post was about how toddlers always want everything that someone else has. It is something that I come across every day. I coach kids of all ages and the young ones all have a desire to take things and just say no because they can. Naturally, kids want to play with the toys that other kids have and their instinct is to just take them because they feel like it is their right to have it. This is a naturally occurring conflict. Saying no is another natural conflict. Most kids learn the word and what it means very easily but since most of the time, they don't have a lot of control over their life at a young age, they want to take control by creating conflict and tell everyone no. When it comes to solving conflict, I definitely think that is a nurture trait. Solving conflict is what makes conflict valuable and how well you solve conflict will determine how valuable your problems solving skills are later in life.